Last night we ran the 5k impossible run, started at 1:50 AM right before the time change. I ran all but 4-5 mins when I dropped my phone, that felt awesome. I'm almost a runner! I brought some beads from Brooke's necklace so that she could run with me, the beads were just a reminder, I know she is with me with or without me carrying them.
Speaking of the beads. They are from the necklace that she was last wearing. I've had this thought in my head about her living through me, that she is part of me, and that if my life is good then she is still having a good life. I thought it may help me to remember to live well, to live for both of us, and to take her along. I thought about her often while I was on my solo run last night, it did not feel solo at all. We did it, we ran during the middle of the night and it was fun.
Ken and I are going to a grief support group Tuesday night, I'll miss my Alanon but I think this will be good for both of us. Kay had suggested that Ken may need this before the holidays and it was up to me to direct him. We spoke a little about the holiday's and enjoying them, I think we can get to a good place, to enjoy and celebrate with those with love while remembering our daughter whose body is no longer with us. I have to keep reminding myself that its just her body that is missing. I don't always believe it but I'm trying.
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