I don't want to accept it. I feel empty, unsure of myself. I feel like I need something but I can't every figure out what it is I need. I'm sad, I'm tense, I'm afraid and I'm confused. I'm tired, I don't ever feel rested, I hurt.
Sometimes I think that if I stuff myself I will feel better. I think I'm just looking for anything to change the way I feel, eat a bunch, be stuffed and feel that instead of the emptiness.
Decorating does take up some of the nothingness. It's something to focus on, a good change that is visible, that I can look at and feel better for a little while.
It is hard to believe that I can get up each day and function like everything is normal. I'm not sure if the holiday season is bringing up deeper emotions or if the shock is wearing off a little more, but I feel so sad.
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